One will never reach distant shores,
if he chooses to remain upon the dock,
In fear his little ship of dreams
may be dashed against the rocks.
– F. Bolen.
It was my sophomore of high school. I was a shy, short, generic looking white boy. My English teacher that year-a vivacious, red haired Ms. Robertson-had assigned the class a public speaking assignment. I was horrified. I wasn’t confident in myself, and I based my self esteem solely on the consensus of others. To make things worse, Arden Fitzgerald, my high school crush, was also in the class and would be watching my presentation. I remember being extremely fearful and anxious about the assignment, all the way up to the day of the presentations. My fear was so bad that I actually considered taking the grade hit and not giving my speech. Thank god I didn’t, because after the presentation something changed in my thought process. Long story short, the speech went almost as bad as could be expected. I stuttered, missed lines, and my nervousness bled through horribly. But after I was done, my fear had miraculously melted away. I sat back down in my chair, relaxed and calm. From that day forward, I started to participate in class discussion, went to dances, and got involved with sports.
Giving a speech was pretty much the most horrifying thing I could image- I would have literally rather taken a beating or any number of other awful alternatives. The fact that I did it, bombed it, and lived, caused a bit of a personal epiphany. It made me realize how much fear was holding my back. From that point on I started talking to girls, going to dances, participating in sports, and pushing myself out of my comfort zone.
I invite you to recognize a personal fear that’s holding you back and face it. Maybe it’s changing a career path, starting a business, having a difficult conversation, going for a difficult major, getting out of an abusive relationship, joining a group, or public speaking. Living a life around fear will ultimately keep a person comfortable but unsuccessful. It is difficult to build self confidence and new skills if one continues to take easy paths around fear. Whatever the fear may be that is holding you back, I challenge you to honestly acknowledge it, and face it. You will feel better about yourself afterwards, whatever the outcome. Take life seriously, but never yourself.
Instead of ignoring weaknesses, boldly take them on headfirst. The things we spend the least time doing are usually the ones that need the most attention. We hate doing what we aren’t good at; overcoming this disdain is key to enjoying all aspects of life.
Anything I’ve ever done that ultimately was worthwhile… initially scared me to death.
– Betty Bender.
2 responses so far ↓
1 Frank S. Adamo // Jul 17, 2008 at 9:08 am
I’ve read many blogs on the fear of public speaking, but yours hit me like a ton of bricks. I now teach about the fear of presenting in front of an audience, but my experience in high school was much different from yours. I was shy and even though I had a speech impediment (a very high arched palate that made it difficult to articulate well), I was not afraid to speak up in front of the class — until one day I raised my hand to interpret the poem, Road Not Taken by Robert Frost. Not only did my classmates started snickering about my non-philosophical answer, the teach ridiculed me in front of the class. Decades later, I realized that Robert Frost did not mean for the poem to be philosophical.
Regardless, that one small incident, combined by my shyness and speech impediment, prevented me from ever raising my hand to volunteer or to express any opinions not for years, but for decades. If someone asked me a question, I would answer, but I never, ever volunteered an answer — until after I joined Toastmasters (www.toastmasters.org).
Your message is extremely poignant. As I now explain in my classes and workshops, fear is a very positive attribute to humans. It’s a very natural response to the unknown and potential danger. Without the attribute to feel fear, the human race would have been extinct eons ago. Our body physically changes to prepare us to fight or flight from danger (real or perceived). To transcend the fear and in your words “instead of ignoring weaknesses, boldly take them on headfirst. ” Use that built up energy to “fight” rather than “flight from” your fear.
I’m writing my 2nd book on presentation skills, based on transcending our fear. I really don’t know you, but I would like to use your message (or if you would write something more direct) as the forward to my book.
BTW, I have collected many poems on the fear of public speaking, but I have not seen the poem by F. Bolen.
My life was dashed against the rocks for many years. I would encourage anyone in my situtation to join Toastmasters to reach your dreams on the other shore.
Take care and God bless.
2 Michael Henreckson // Aug 2, 2008 at 9:20 pm
Wow a great reminder to never let your fears hold you back. If you start by doing small things that you’re afraid of gradually you can work your way up ad overcome the really big fears.
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