Max Bottaro

#10 Joe Pesci:

a la Goodfellas and Casino. He’s not big, he’s not strong; in fact he’s downright puny. But what he lacks in stature he makes up in downright crazys. Pesci definitely takes the cake in terms of complete disregard for human life. Don’t insult this guy in a bar, unless you want a pen jammed in your jugular. Savage as fuck.

#9 Tupac Shakur:

Grab your Glocks when you see 2pac,
Call the cops when you see 2pac,
You shot me,
But you punks didn’t finish
Now you’re ’bout to feel the wrath of a menace

With his AK he’s the thug you just love to hate. A lot of rappers talk a big game about being really “hood”, but until you’ve been in a couple shoot outs you can’t really even put yourself in the same category. Go back to rapping about your 22’s, you commercial, sellout, consumer whores.

#8 Chuck Liddell:

Look, I know he’s not winning right now. In fact, he’s been getting the crap kicked out of him lately. Still, Chuck has that inextinguishable distinct badass aura about him. I don’t know if it’s his buzz-hawk, his American History X looking goatee, or the fact that he could beat the crap out of 99.99% of guys out there, but this is one Coor’s Light drinkin’ hick I wouldn’t want to meet in a dark ally.

#7 Wolverine:

He is the real reason I started growing out my chest hair a couple weeks ago. Wolverine is by far the hardest of the X-men. Wolverine heals very quickly, but his only real “power” is some metal claws that extend out of his knuckles on command. He uses these for everything. Someone taking over the world? Shingggg. Someone need rescuing? Shinggg. Time to walk the dog? Shinggg.

#6 Leonidas of Sparta

Everyone who saw 300 knows what I am talking about. Anyone who walks around with a spear, one of those badass helmets, and pimp cape gets a badass stamp from me. I’ve officially decided that kicking someone in the chest is the most badass way you could turn down an offer. “Go to McDonalds? THIS IS BURGER KING!!!” Bam. Right in the xiphoid process.

What makes Leonidas a badass is his good old attitude of ‘fuck ya’. You want me to join the Persians? Fuck you. Your arrows will blot out the sun? Fuck you, we’ll fight in the shade. You want me to kiss your your feet? Fuck you, eat spear.

P.S. his wife was a total cougar in that movie. Sexy.

#5 Ronnie Coleman:

There’s a reason they call this guy “The Big Nasty”. No, he’s not in porn. He’s an 8 time Mr. Olympia, and unlike most bodybuilders, he actually is strong as shit. Like, freakishly strong. Like I just dead-lifted 800lbs twice strong. He’s like the incredible Hulk, but black instead of green. There might be guys out there stronger than Ronnie (although I doubt it) but no one has his classic meathead mannerisms.

“YEAAAAAAH Buddddy: LIGHT WEIGHT!! Ain’t nothing but a P-Nut!”

#4 Bruce Lee:

I think you all saw this one coming. He is the poster-boy for 20^th century martial arts; a real life ninja. He’s ripped to shreds, wiry as fuck, and incredibly powerful. I’ve never seen a more complete and clean transfer of force when this guy throws a punch or kick.

#3 “Marv”:

Sin City would have been just O.K. without Marv. When he wasn’t maiming people or smoking cigarettes, he was giving shadowy narrations in his gravelly man-voice. My favorite scene in this whole movie comes when Marv is going through his checklist of items necessary to kill someone: “Mitts? Check.” Marv is the Baddest pseudo good guy out there.

“This is blood for blood and by the gallon. These are the old days, the bad days, the all-or-nothing days. They’re back! There’s no choice left. And I’m ready for war.”

#2 Ray Lewis:

Ray Lewis: Nine time pro-bowler ,named All-Pro 7 times, not to mention Super-bowl m.v.p. (defensive players rarely get this award). Not much I need to say about this guy. He just hits people really hard. If you have any doubts, check out his highlights.

#1 Mike Tyson:

probably nuts, definitely the most explosive, hardest hitting, most controversial fighter ever. Just watching Tyson’s knockout reels gets me pumped. He’s compact, powerful, and he throws whiplash causing, sweat spraying, mouth-guard flinging knockout punches from every angle. Heavyweight Boxing just wasn’t what it was during the Tyson era. Don’t believe me? Check the box offices.

Outside the ring, Tyson was a troubled individual. He was new money; a storm of controversy, a ghetto child who still desperately needed the mentorship of Cus D’Amato. He was a more complex individual than most people gave him credit for. He was the first and youngest to unify the heavyweight belt at 20 years old. He was an X-convict. He was rags to riches and back to rags again. He was an ear biting, facial tattooing, real life Rambo in black trunks. You either love him or hate him, but you had to admit he was exciting to watch.

Classic Tyson TV moments

Training

Knockouts

“I try to catch them right on the tip of his nose, because I try to punch the bone into the brain.”

-Michael Gerard Tyson

#??? Chuck Norris:

#??? Chuck Norris: Ahh… Chuck. What do I do with you. While your name is synonymous with badassery, I personally think you are a tool belt and therefore underserving of a top ten ranking. Still, to not list you would be irresponsible.

I have to be honest, I never really got the whole Chuck Norris comeback. Was the joke that he was so fucking lame it was funny, and therefore hip? Can someone fill me in here? Chuck Norris was the lamest; most over-the-top action star of the 80’s… the lamest period in film history. He’s not really even that buff, and he has way too much body hair to be cool. Still, Chuck’s name evokes images of badass due to the whole mindset surrounding him. There is no real chuck, just an illusory vision: one of pure badassery. Here are some sayings people came up with about chuck that I think illustrates his aura well:

If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all. Your life may be forfeit.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris doesn’t do push-ups, he bench presses the earth.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.